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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25541296">one single thread of gold</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings'>angellwings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Chicago Fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fate, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Healing, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Long Shot, Lost Love, One Shot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:42:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,751</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25541296</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/angellwings/pseuds/angellwings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>169</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>one single thread of gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><strong>A/N: </strong>So, maybe you haven’t heard but Taylor Swift’s new album came out on Thursday. And Taylor has <em>always</em> been fanfic fuel for me. You can guess what happened after I spent the weekend obsessing over folklore. Yes, that’s right. <em>Fanfic</em>. Lol. </p><p>16 segments of fic for 16 tracks, in chronological order. We start in canon and then branch out. Part of this is character introspection but then the back half of this during/post season 8. Hopefully it’s a good read and not completely boring. I tried to match the emotions to the music. </p><p>Happy reading!</p><p>xoxo</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“Cardigan” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>Casey always knew Hallie would come back. He didn’t know how they’d work out what they wanted as individuals. He didn’t know what would happen if she never changed her mind about wanting a family. He didn’t know what their future looked like ten years down the road.</p><p>But he <em>knew</em> she’d be back. When she came back he knew they would find each other again.</p><p>Their love wasn’t going to be broken after all this time by one disagreement. He’d loved her too long for that. If they didn’t give it another try, they’d both wonder what might have happened. So, yeah, he always knew she’d come back.</p><p>He <em>didn’t</em> know that once she did come back, she’d be ripped away from him again so soon. He thought they could fix it. He never really believed his connection with Hallie would ever end. Their ending, he assumed, was temporary. It would change. </p><p>And it did. It did change. For the worse.</p><p>She was gone. He knew that. She was not off on some humanitarian trip, visiting her parents, or on vacation. She was truly <em>gone</em> and yet, somehow, he still believed she’d come back to him. He looked for her everywhere he went. The grocery store, the gas station, the firehouse. He kept one eye on his phone at all times, expecting it to ring. She’d call him out of the blue and tell him it was all a big joke. He was fooling himself but he believed it anyway. </p><p>She’d come back and they’d laugh until her eyes took on that starry shine he loved so much. They’d pick back up right where they left off. She’d tell him he was always her favorite and could she have her ring back please? He still had it. He probably always would -- to hold it for her. It was sized for her. It wouldn’t fit anyone else so of course he’d give it back to her as soon as she asked. She could wear it for the rest of their lives.</p><p>As long as she came back to him.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“And I can go anywhere I want. Anywhere I want, just not home. And you can aim for my heart, go for blood, but you would still miss me in your bones.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“my tears ricochet” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>Looking back on Harrison made her feel like an idiot. How did she not see the way he twisted her up? The way he nitpicked until there was nothing left of her but insecurity and self doubt? He undermined her confidence until <em>he</em> was the only person she was <em>confident in</em>. But he was always so subtle about it. It never <em>seemed</em> like an insult. </p><p>It came across as concern, more often than not. She thought it meant he <em>cared</em> about her.</p><p>“Baby, are you sure you want to work <em>and</em> take classes? Seems like you might be stretching yourself thin.”</p><p>“I’m just worried about you, Syl. Planning the wedding and working full time sounds like a lot of pressure on you.”</p><p>“Your friends take advantage of you sometimes, Sylvie. You don’t see it because you’re so close, but it pisses me off. I don’t know if spending time with them is the best thing for you.”</p><p>“Somebody has to look out for you. God knows what would happen to you if I didn’t. You’re much too trusting.”</p><p>Each comment chipped away at her until she barely recognized the girl in the mirror anymore. She stopped taking risks, she stopped going dancing, she stopped seeking <em>anything</em> for herself. Her whole world became Harrison and the wedding, and when that fell apart so did she. There was nothing left of who she used to be so the only answer was to rebuild.</p><p>Start over.</p><p>Be someone brave. Go somewhere new.</p><p>She was glad she did. The girl she might have become if she’d stayed with Harrison haunted her sometimes. Would she have survived it? Would she have been living but not actually alive? Dead and buried in spirit but breathing and walking in body? She’d never know and she felt the relief of that keenly as she ran away from him that day at 51. That jog to 61 felt like a new lease on life, and it was a life she planned to live to its fullest.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“And that’s thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares, it’s born from just one single glance but it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“illicit affairs” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>Yes, things with Gabby were confusing and messy but they were never this kind of confusing and messy. He’d jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire and that fire’s name was Beth Pridgen. What the hell had he been thinking?</p><p>An affair, which is what they were having as much as he hated the term, was not worth his job or his tenuous professional relationship with Gabby. He was being punished for it. The Universe was being very clear that he’d been a dick. He should have seen this coming. </p><p>Other men get away with bucking traditional relationships, but Matt never had a talent for that. He liked stability. He liked routine. He liked being needed and depended on. An affair would never allow for that to take root. It was a flash in a pan. Brief and burning and someone was going to end up scalded.</p><p>It looked like that <em>someone</em> was him.</p><p>Even <em>Severide</em> was worried. Jesus, how badly had he fucked this up?</p><p>Well, no more.</p><p>Never again.</p><p>He’d already erased this moment from his history,</p><p>***</p><p>What the hell had she been thinking?</p><p>She stared at herself in her bathroom mirror and took in a deep shuddering breath.</p><p>Dammit, she just liked him <em>so much</em>. Antonio was different than anyone she’d dated before him. He wasn’t manipulative like Harrison and he had an enticing magnetism that Cruz had lacked. He looked at her like he wanted to swallow her whole and she’d never in her life been looked at that way. His touch felt electric and sizzled everywhere his skin slid against hers.</p><p>Their dynamic when they were alone was a high like none other, but that high didn’t follow them out into the public. She felt like his dirty little secret to anyone outside of 51. She ran into Burgess at the gym and she’d honestly had no idea she and Antonio were seeing each other. She’d spent time with his son but she’d never met his daughter and, while she understood the need for subtlety when it came to his ex, she couldn’t understand why he seemed to avoid the topic with her all together.</p><p>Physically they were amazing together, but what did they have beyond that? What did he <em>want</em> beyond that? They’d never talked about it. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to be his friend and his confidant. His partner. She knew that would take time to build but he didn’t seem interesting in even discussing it.</p><p>She ended up feeling as if their relationship and his life were two completely separate things. The way he reacted to his ex-wife’s passive aggressive treatment of her really brought that home. In one swift swoop she felt a cold realization in her gut.</p><p>He wasn’t ready to get personal with someone again and she wasn’t even remotely equipped to work through that with him. So they fought and then ended it and now her heart felt like it was sitting off kilter in her chest, beating off rhythm.</p><p>She glanced down into the little box of her things he’d dropped off with Gabby and felt salty tears stinging her eyes. It was a bunch of odds and ends. A toothbrush, toothpaste, a razor, a bottle of lotion, a lipgloss she’d thought she’d lost, and--tucked in the back corner--a bottle of perfume. She’d worn a sample of it on their second date and he’d gone wild for it. She went out and spent an obscene amount of money on a full sized bottle the very next day.</p><p><em>For him</em>.</p><p>If she was honest with herself, she hated the stuff. It gave her a headache. She didn't mind the headache so much when she was with him.</p><p>But they weren’t together anymore. They weren’t <em>anything</em> anymore.</p><p>She furiously wiped the tears from her cheeks and snatched the bottle out of the box. She twisted the atomizer off and poured the pricey liquid down the drain. It ended because she was tired of feeling like something illicit. His ex had treated her that way. Sometimes even <em>Antonio</em> treated her that way.</p><p>Well, no more.</p><p>As she watched the amber colored liquid swirl the drain, she threw the obnoxiously ornate bottle in the trash. She and Antonio were done. It was time to move on…</p><p>And leave no trace of him behind.</p><p>Or that had been her intention. She got caught up in him one more time. She told him it was casual and he agreed. She’d tried a relationship with him once and it wasn’t what she wanted. This time, he wanted more than that. He never said but she could tell. The more time they spent together, the more he tried to discreetly push them into a relationship. Someone was going to get hurt that way and she just <em>knew</em> it would have been her.</p><p>So she ended it a second time.</p><p>And this time, she didn’t just close the door.</p><p>She locked it and threw away the key.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“And women like hunting witches too. Doing your dirtiest work for you. It’s obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“mad woman” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>She’d messed up a lot over the last few weeks. She let Hope into 51. She ignored every sign that she wasn’t there for the right reasons. Everything that Hope did was her fault. She accepted that. She apologized for it. Her friendship with Stella was still very much up in the air. It plagued her daily and she hated it.</p><p>Today, it plagued her more than usual thanks to a phone call she had with her mother.</p><p>
  <em>“Sweetie, what happened with Hope? Did you yell at her in the middle of the street? Her mother called me and she said Hope is very upset. You told her to leave Chicago? Isn’t she your best friend?”</em>
</p><p>She explained to her mother what happened and like always her mother immediately saw Sylvie’s side over Hope’s but her mother warned her that the version of the story Hope spread around town was very different than the reality. </p><p>
  <em>“Your brother overheard a conversation at the diner this past Sunday between Hope and Harrison. From what he told me it wasn’t very kind toward you. They seem to think you’ve become very self important.”</em>
</p><p>She’d scoffed before replying. <em>“No, mom. I just grew a backbone and fought back.”</em></p><p>
  <em>“Well, they’re doing their level best to make you look like a mad woman or a big city snob. I hate to say it but a few people might even believe them.”</em>
</p><p>Of course they did. She adored Fowlerton but it was a small town that didn’t have much going on apart from the gossip. She was certain somewhere in Fowlerton a group of old busy bodies were debating whether or not little Sylvie Brett had grown into a stuck up city girl who’d forgotten her roots.</p><p>
  <em>“Let them, mom, I can’t say I really care. They’re the ones that hurt me, not the other way around. I stood up for myself and I’m not taking that back.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, you’re sure as hell not,” her mother insisted. “If they can’t treat you with respect then they don’t deserve you.”</em>
</p><p>Her mother was reliable as ever. <em>“Thank you, mom.”</em></p><p>“Brett!”</p><p>Sylvie’s gaze snapped up from the common room table to find Kidd smiling apologetically at her. </p><p>“You mind if I join you?” She asked, pointing to the empty seat. “I got you a coffee.”</p><p>She smiled bright at Stella and excitedly patted the chair next to hers. “I don’t mind at all! Coffee will buy you a seat next to me <em>anytime</em>.”</p><p>Stella laughed and shoved the paper to go cup into her hand. “Good to know. So, how’s it going? You look pissed.”</p><p>A dark chuckle escaped her. “I do, huh? Do I look <em>mad</em>?”</p><p>“What?” Stella asked, looking confused.</p><p>“Nothing, my mom just gave me some news from Fowlerton this morning,” Sylve confided with a roll of her eyes and a dismissive wave. “Hope and my ex are...well, let’s just say their hatred of me has really brought them together. They’re trying to convince the town that Chicago’s turned me into a selfish snob.”</p><p>Stella’s eyes narrowed into a glare before she rolled them and set her coffee down on the table with more force than necessary. “Fuck them, I’ll kick their asses. How long is the drive to Farmington--”</p><p>“Fowlerton,” Sylvie corrected her with a gleeful grin.</p><p>“Sorry, <em>Fowlerton</em>. How long is the drive? Cause I can hop in my car and--”</p><p>“Down, girl,” Sylvie ordered with a soft laugh. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t need them or Fowlerton.”</p><p>“You don’t?”</p><p>Sylvie shook her head and met Stella’s eyes with a solemn glance. “I just need you guys and 51. That’s it.”</p><p>Stella reached out and wrapped her arms around Sylvie in a tight hug. Sylvie was eternally grateful Hope didn’t succeed at taking this from her. She’d never have forgiven herself if she’d lost Stella or anyone else at 51.</p><p>“Me and 51 need you too,” Stella replied. “We’ve got your back.”</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“And it took you five whole minutes to pack us up and leave me with it. Holding all this love out here in the hall. I think I’ve seen this film before and I didn’t like the ending. You’re not my homeland anymore so what am I defending now?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“exile” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>It took her an hour to pack up enough suitcases to leave him forever. </p><p>An hour.</p><p>After everything they’d been through and all the battles they fought together, Gabby Dawson separated her life from his in sixty minutes. </p><p>And when she was gone, he stood in the middle of their living room alone. He wasn’t sure what to do next or how to let go of the moment. Once he released this moment in time the world around him moved on and his marriage was over.</p><p>If you could even call it that.</p><p>Should he have let her go? Let her? He chuckled to himself darkly. No one <em>let</em> Gabby do anything. She was a force of nature. It was one of the things he loved about her. She decided what she wanted and she went after it with all the power of a category five hurricane. No one got in her way.</p><p>He tried his hardest to clear paths for her whenever he could. The alternative was to be one of those people in her way and that was the last thing he wanted. His job was to be there for her and support her -- defend her if necessary.</p><p>It used to be his job, anyway. It hadn’t been for some time now. At some point, she started <em>putting him</em> in the way. He tried his goddamn hardest to give her all the space she needed to live her life and make her decisions but it was fucking impossible to do that when her decsions began to effect his life. If her choices were impacting him then why shouldn’t he have a say?</p><p>He’d lost Hallie, already. Could she really not understand why he didn’t want to lose her too? How did she not see that him wanting to explore other options to start a family came from his love for her? Hell, her miscariage was the single most terrifying day of his life. If she’d gotten pregnant he’d have spent all day every day living with that level of terror. He’d be wondering if each moment was the moment he’d lose her forever. Both of them being alive and together was surely worth any cost, wasn’t it?</p><p>Apparently not to her.</p><p>He’d give up, and had given up, a lot for Gabby but he wouldn’t put her in danger over something they could achieve in a multitude of other ways. He loved her too much for that. But their issues went beyond that -- had for a long time. She regularly locked him out. She made decisions and didn’t seem to care how he felt about them, even though her decisions changed both their lives. They were married, that’s how that worked.</p><p>Once you got married you ended up with one joint life. It didn’t mean your identity disappeared or your personality was dwarfed by someone else’s. It meant you struggled through the hardships together, you reveled in the victories together, you <em>grew together</em>.</p><p>And if you didn’t do that then you grew apart.</p><p>Gabby made her choice when she left for Puerto Rico three months ago. <em>She</em> decided they would grow apart. Like everything else, she chose their fate <em>for him</em>. He stood on the outside, exiled from her, while <em>she</em> ended their story.</p><p>And now she’d gone for good and left the mess behind for him to clean up. Like the force of nature she’d always been.</p><p>He was going to have to figure out what came next. He wasn’t part of a ‘we’ anymore.</p><p>If he ever had been.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“I am ash from your fire. Stood on the cliffside screaming, give me a reason. Your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“hoax” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>The FedEx envelope on the coffee table mocked him. This was what his marriage boiled down to? A packet of legal papers in a shipping envelope? God, this was fucked up. He had plans for them once. Dreams that he visualized and held in his heart. He genuinely believed all those images would come to pass. They’d transition from dreams to reality.</p><p>He saw it even now, flickering across the backs of his closed eyelids like silent film.</p><p>But Gabby’s dreams were entirely different from his own. He saw that now. Looking back, it was clear. There were never once on the same page. They had a million stops and starts. They never got their timing right, even after they got married.</p><p>This was just another example of that.</p><p>Except now he was done. Or he wanted to be.</p><p>He felt like he wasted years of his life on an illusion. The dreams in his heart fooled him. Like a trick or a hoax. He thought what he and Gabby had was real and lasting but he saw now that it was more convenient for her than anything else. He was there, he was reliable, he would do anything and everything for her. The minute he stopped doing exactly what she wanted was the minute she left.</p><p>But then maybe he was looking back in the midst of his sadness and viewing their relationship through a pessimistic lens. Maybe he’d feel differently in a few months' time. </p><p>Or maybe he wouldn’t. </p><p>Maybe he was always going to feel as if their marriage was a sham.</p><p>Either way, it didn’t change what he had to now.</p><p>He ripped open the envelope and angrily scribbled his name to the flagged pages.</p><p>If she wanted a divorce then he’d give her a divorce. But it was the last thing he planned to give her ever again. After he signed the papers and sent them back, they were done. </p><p>He had to move on and find something else to believe in. </p><p>No more illusions. No more ghosts. </p><p>Accepting anything less than the truth was no longer an option.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Back when we were still changing for the better, wanting was enough. For me it was enough to live for the hope of it all, canceled plans just in case you’d call, and say meet me behind the mall. So much for summer love and saying us cause you weren’t mine to lose.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“august” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>His first relationship after Gabby wasn’t even a relationship. He was fine with that. He liked Naomi. He truly felt something for her and honestly that was the biggest relief of all. He had doubts that he would ever be attracted to anyone ever again.</p><p>At least with Naomi, he learned moving on was possible. Maybe not with her, but down the road with someone else. He had the capacity to open himself up to another love and a life built together. He wasn’t afraid of it. At least not right now. Maybe he would be when someone serious presented themselves but at the moment, he was wide open to anything life might throw at him.</p><p>He wanted honesty, dependability, and support. But beyond that he had no criteria. He planned to follow whatever connections his heart made -- whoever it made them with.</p><p>Maybe he didn’t know what to call his and Naomi’s relationship but it didn’t matter. The hope of it was enough for now. </p><p>***</p><p>It’s possible Kyle was never really hers to lose. His job was always going to come first. It was one of the things she respected most about him. He loved his job as much as she loved hers. Maybe a little more, considering she wouldn’t have dumped him if the tables were turned. </p><p>But, since he did, maybe she was never meant to have him. Maybe he was married to his job and she’d been the other woman.</p><p>She loved the brief feeling of connection, though. She loved being with someone who wanted her involved in his life. He introduced her to his friends and his parents. He took her out and showed her off. There was no secrecy or need to keep it quiet. No question of whether or not they would be casual or serious. She had no doubts that Kyle was seeing her and only her and that he planned to tell the world.</p><p>He wasn’t Harrison, who wanted to hoard her for himself. He wasn’t Cruz, who never wanted to go out on the town. And he certainly wasn’t Antonio, who preferred to keep their relationship confined to their bedrooms. He was sweet and he respected her. He cared about what she cared about and offered her advice even if it wasn’t always the advice she wanted to hear.</p><p>Granted, maybe the chemistry was a little flat, but beggars can’t be choosers. She was lucky to have him, to know him, to love him...if only for a little while.</p><p>And after those initial weeks without him, it felt like enough. Someone was out there who would have everything she was looking for, including the chemistry. If nothing else, Kyle gave her that belief. He gave her hope.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when you see my face again. The only thing I wanna do is make it up to you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“betty” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>She knew Matt thought Kyle breaking up with her was his fault, and maybe it kind of was but she didn’t see it that way. If that’s all it took for Kyle to break up with her then it wasn’t meant to be. Casey’s problem only pointed out the insecurities that had to have already existed.</p><p>After their conversation in the bunkroom, she realized neither one of them was having a stellar love life at the moment and that was truly a shame. Matt was a great guy. He worked hard, he was loyal, he was the most reliable man she’d ever met, and handsome to boot. He was an obvious catch and he should be dating someone. He should be happy. </p><p>So should she but she this was not the time to focus on herself. If she fell down that rabbit hole then she might never climb out. So, she focused on Matt.</p><p>Her friend Olivia was also perfectly lovely and should be dating someone. Olivia reminded her of a gentler version of Gabby. She was a go-getter, a self starter. Casey could relate to that. She was determined to make things happen for herself and extremely intelligent and fit. What else could a man need?</p><p>So she concocted a plan, which she excitedly let Matt in on. A group game night where she would try to set him up with Olivia. He didn’t seem that excited about it but she’d get him there. And get him there she did. </p><p>It was for his own good, afterall.</p><p>The game night was a rousing success or at least she thought it was. Olivia and Matt got along great. But then how could anyone not get along with Matt? He’s always been great. Olivia left the party first, citing her early spin class in the morning. As she left she gave Sylvie a scolding glance and reminded her that she was signed up for that class. Sylvie laughed and nodded. It was getting late so wrapping up the party seemed like a good idea.</p><p>Otis took Lilly home. Cruz went out to meet Chloe and took Foster home while he was going. That left Sylvie and Matt alone. Matt generously offered to help her clean up.</p><p>“Well, that was fun,” he said as they gathered the dishes.</p><p>“It was,” she replied with a smile.</p><p>“And we were a kickass team.”</p><p>She laughed and nodded. “We were! I can’t believe you got that <em>Emergency</em> clue!”</p><p>“Please, that was obvious! How could anyone else <em>not</em> get it?” Matt asked her with a grin.</p><p>“So,” she started as she began rinsing off dishes to place in the dishwasher. “What did you think of Olivia?”</p><p>“She was great,” he answered, though he seemed hesitant. “But I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t show up for her.”</p><p>“You didn’t?” </p><p>“No,” he said with a shake of his head as he set the party platters down on her kitchen counter. “I came for you because I know I kinda...well, I’m kind of responsible for what happened with you and the Chaplain--” He held up a hand to keep her from interrupting him. “And before you say I’m not, <em>yes</em> I am. So I’m here to make it up to you and because I knew my coming would make you happy.”</p><p>Something in her chest warmed a little at the idea of him wanting to make her happy. She didn’t even know what warmed, but something did. She felt a rush of fondness for him all of a sudden.</p><p>“You have nothing to make up for,” she told him easily. “Truly, Casey. You didn’t force Kyle to break up with me. He did that all on his own.”</p><p>“Maybe not,” he admitted with a sigh. “But I did turn your concern around on you and I shouldn’t have done that. I mean, we’re friends. I shouldn’t have acted like you asking the Chaplain to come see me was...an impertinence or something.”</p><p>She grinned at his word usage and laughed softly. “Well, it was sort of impertinent. You told me you would call if you needed to. I should have left it at that. Or, I don’t know, maybe I should have stayed out of it all together.”</p><p>His reply was instant. “No. No, you shouldn’t have stayed out of it. Brett…” His words trailed off along with his stare. She could tell he was searching for words but was having a hard time finding the right ones. “You telling me to talk to someone was the only way I got through that. If you hadn’t come to see me that day or sent the Chaplain to remind me of it, I’m not sure I would have ended up talking to Boden about it. Boden was the biggest piece of the puzzle for me. Talking to him got me on track to deal with it. So, <em>don’t</em> apologize for getting involved. I needed you to get involved.”</p><p>“I--okay,” she stuttered her way through a lame response. She wasn’t expecting any of that. It took her a moment to recover. “You know if you ever need me to get involved again, I will, right?”</p><p>He smirked and leaned against the counter next to her. “The ringer’s still on, huh?”</p><p>She nodded and chuckled at him. “Ringer is <em>always</em> on, Casey. Especially for my friends.”</p><p>He left not long after that and in his wake she felt the strangest, most unsettling feeling. She didn’t have a name for it but it felt like something shifted inside of her. As if it was making room for something -- preparing space for someone. It made no sense but she couldn’t think of any other way to describe it.</p><p>The next day, though, she quickly found out why. </p><p>Olivia thought she and Casey were meant for each other.</p><p>Olivia watched them the entire night at the party.</p><p><em>Olivia</em> didn’t want Casey’s number because she honestly thought he should be dating <em>her</em>. </p><p>What? No. No way.</p><p>He was Gabby’s ex. And Gabby was her...well not best friend. They hadn’t really spoken since she left. Her ex-partner? Former best friend? What were the rules in this situation? That unsettled feeling from last night was back. Oh god, was her heart trying to make room for Matt Casey? </p><p>She wanted to fight it but she wasn’t sure she could. He was <em>Matt Casey,</em> after all. She already thought he was one of the best people in the CFD and in the aftermath of Gabby leaving he’d become a very close friend. Somehow, they’d slowly started to turn to each other with things they would normally talk to Gabby about. It made sense in a way, but these new feelings…</p><p>Well, they did <em>not</em> make sense. They had to be wrong. Didn’t they?</p><p>Nope. Not according to Stella and Emily. They wanted her to lean into it and go with it. Go with it? Just let herself get romantically invested in Matt Casey? God, that thought terrified her. It followed her around for the next couple of weeks and lingered between them. Or she thought it did. Wasn’t there an almost kiss in there somewhere?</p><p>Then again, maybe she projected that onto him. </p><p>He’d taken a moment to try and ask her a question during a shift. He seemed nervous and awkward. She had a brief thought that maybe he was trying to ask her out, but he never did. No, instead when she saw him at Molly’s after work, he told her he always thought she and Kyle were right for each other and then <em>walked away</em>.</p><p>So, now she knew she’d been deluding herself this entire time. Maybe she and Kyle really were right for each other. But Kyle was leaving. He told her at Molly’s he took a new job close to Fowlerton. She was happy for him, but what if everything with Matt had only distracted her from the person she was really meant to be with? What if Kyle was the one and she should have been trying to get him back?</p><p>Her mind swam for the rest of the night. She barely slept at all. And it all seemed pointless. Clearly, Matt didn’t want her and maybe Kyle did want her. But he was leaving. There was nothing she could do about either option and losing sleep over it certainly wasn’t going to help.</p><p>She tried to put it out of her mind as she and Otis and Cruz walked into work the next shift. She thought she was doing a fairly good job at it too.</p><p>Until Kyle showed up.</p><p>“Sylvie!” he exclaimed in a rush.</p><p>She turned to face him in surprise. </p><p>He looked anxious as he idly twiddled his fingers. “I’m glad I caught you. I wanted to talk to you before shift. I drove to your apartment but you were already on the road, I guess.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, we’re bells up at eight,” she explained.</p><p>“Look, uh, I was thinking about this all night. I don’t want to make a big scene, but, um, I spent five months in that hospital bed and I swore I would make the most of every second if I got out alive—“</p><p>“Look, Kyle—“</p><p>He kept going, as if he couldn’t stop now that he’d begun. “And then you showed up and I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.”</p><p>Where is this going? Is he apologizing before he leaves town? He doesn’t need to. She doesn’t resent him for his decision to end their relationship at all. “I-I don’t—“</p><p>“I love you, Sylvie. Your smile changes the temperature in whatever room you walk into. You have such a brightness, a radiance, such a goodness, that I would be the biggest fool on Earth if I let you get away from me.”</p><p>She smiled softly at his words. Kyle’s ability with words was one of the things she had always adored. She was flattered beyond measure that he thought so highly of her, but no one is that good. Certainly not her. Her stomach flipped the second he started to kneel. She felt her brows lift in shock. </p><p>Was this actually happening?</p><p>“I’m leaving for Indiana tomorrow and I am begging you to come with me. Sylvie Brett, will you marry me?”</p><p>Holy shit.</p><p>Holy. Fucking. Shit.</p><p>Hadn’t she just been wondering if Kyle wanted her back? Well, now she had her answer. She worried she’d wasted time pondering the possibilities with Casey. Here was her chance to make up for that lost time. Casey had never indicated that he felt anything for her other than friendship. There was no way that she could sacrifice a relationship that worked for one that may not ever happen. What if Casey was right and she and Kyle were <em>truly</em> right for each other?</p><p>Could she bear to live with that what-if, should she say no? Or miss out on this opportunity at a <em>good</em> stable life? No, she couldn’t.</p><p>She nodded at first, hesitantly, checking herself as she answered. Oh god, she hoped this was the right decision. “Yes.”</p><p>“Yes? Yes?” Kyle asked as she nodded.</p><p>She nodded again, more confidently this time. “Yes.”</p><p>“You said yes, right?” He asked with a wide smile as he stood and pulled her into his arms.</p><p>“Yes,” she replied, her smile matching his own as she returned his embrace.</p><p>Her answer didn’t feel <em>awful</em>. She ignored the fact that it didn’t feel completely right either and decided to be happy. She wanted Kyle to come back and he did. How often does that happen to her?</p><p>He swept her up and spun her around. It’s only then that she remembered her firehouse family looking on. They were suddenly surrounded by congratulations and pulled inside for an impromptu reception. She had a brief flash of regret after talking to Casey. Hindsight being what it was, she should have listened to it.</p><p>The space her heart wanted to create for Casey had already formed. Leaving with Kyle had been a mistake, but without that mistake she never would have discovered how deeply she needed 51, Chicago, and Matt.</p><p>She came back just three months later and it was almost as if none of it ever happened.</p><p>
  <em>Almost.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>But we were something, don't you think so? Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool, and if my wishes came true it would've been you. In my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone, but it would've been fun if you would've been the one.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“the 1” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>Joe was proposing to Chloe. She was ecstatic for him. He and Chloe were perfect together. Of all her exes, Joe was the one she wished she’d been able to love better. He was the sweetest man in all of Chicago, but their chemistry had always come from more of a platonic place. </p><p>They fought that while they were dating because they genuinely liked each other. He was good to her and made her laugh. Before him, she’d only known selfish users and partially believed that was all she'd ever have. Joe was the one who proved her wrong.</p><p>They were certainly <em>something</em>. Just not quite enough. As much fun as they had as friends, she knew he would have been fun as a life partner too — if he would’ve been the one.</p><p>But he wasn’t. She still hadn’t found her <em>one</em> yet. She doubted she ever would sometimes, but then she remembered how, once upon a time, she doubted men like Joe Cruz existed. She was wrong to doubt then and she was wrong to doubt now. He was out there. </p><p>Maybe even right under her nose. A certain Captain’s blue eyes intruded on her thoughts and she let out a hopeless sigh. Her heart made space for Matt Casey before anything ever happened and, to be honest, that space was still there, but she knew that was wishful thinking. She needed to let that idea go.</p><p>It had never even fully formed so that should have been easy, right?</p><p><em>Wrong</em>.</p><p>Though, she didn’t know it at the time, there was a reason the notion of Matt Casey never left her. She’d look back on this moment several months later and it would all make sense.</p><p>But, for now, she remained disappointed. </p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Only twenty minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany. Just one single glimpse of relief to make some sense of what you see.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“epiphany” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>He asked Sylvie if he should go with Gabby to the event. The reason why he asked her was a mystery to him. Trusting Sylvie to give him a truthful answer seemed likely. Someone else may have applied their own wishes to the answer or told him what they thought he wanted to hear. Not Sylvie.</p><p>To say he was surprised when she encouraged him to go was an understatement. But he had to admit she had a point. He’d regret it if he didn’t go. Gabby had a purpose in asking him. This was intentional and he was curious to figure out why.</p><p>They hadn’t talked since she left and he’d been doing fine with that. Sure, moving on was slow going but he was doing it. </p><p>Which is why he should have seen the relapse coming. The Universe seemed to wait until he was <em>doing fine</em> to throw a curveball. The night with Gabby had seemed magical while it was happening around him, but by breakfast the next day he knew what it really was.</p><p>
  <em>Closure.</em>
</p><p>Things with Gabby had always felt unresolved. She left for a temporary job and then kept postponing coming back. She finally came back, but only for a few hours and then she was gone again. That time for good.</p><p>The first time she left for Puerto Rico he hadn’t put up much of a fight. She’d been having a rough time and it seemed like she needed the space to regroup. When she extended the assignment, though, he got a little upset — okay, a lot upset. Once again, she decided that without him. Making it clearer than ever that she had no use for him.</p><p>The second time she left for Puerto Rico, he didn’t see the point of raising hell. She was going whether he raged or not. So he said the pretty things she wanted to hear and let her go gracefully. But none of it was his choice. He never had a say. </p><p>That night with her, everything was <em>his</em> choice. He chose to go. He chose to stay. He chose to go to her room. He chose to spend the night.</p><p>He <em>chose</em> to leave before she woke up and he <em>chose</em> not to say goodbye.</p><p>That time walking away was his decision. He needed to have some say in their relationship. He needed to <em>decide for himself</em> that it was over.</p><p>He didn’t know all of that, at first. Not until he got her voicemail the next morning and she offered to host him in her <em>tent</em> on his next furlough.</p><p>He immediately knew that wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want his life outside of 51 to be suspended until his next furlough. He didn’t want to sit and wait for her. At one time, he loved Gabby with all he had and he would have done anything to keep her.</p><p>But not anymore.</p><p>His life was here, in Chicago.</p><p>Hers was there, in Puerto Rico.</p><p>It was high time they started acting like it.</p><p>He had a life to live and a future to build. There was no more time for moping over his losses. He needed to start celebrating what he had. </p><p>A glimpse of sunny blonde hair and an arresting smile lit up the darkness behind his closed lids. He’d been fighting his attraction to Sylvie. Some part of him knew he wasn’t ready — knew that he still needed to say goodbye to Gabby.</p><p>But now that he’d done it, there was no reason not to sink into Sylvie. There was nothing holding him back from exploring what his attraction <em>meant</em>. He’d felt it for a long time now and done his level best to ignore it.</p><p>He had no reason to ignore it anymore.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“I've been having a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back, I have a lot of regrets about that.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“this is me trying” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>He got the feeling there was a wall up now between him and Brett. It was as if Gabby coming back was as much a shock to her system as it was his. He had no idea who put the wall there. It was hard to tell whether it was her or him, but it was definitely there.</p><p>She tried to reach beyond it a couple of weeks ago. He noticed and enjoyed the effort. He missed talking with her and finding that again, while sitting on the back of 81, felt more <em>right</em> than he had since Gabby blew back into town.</p><p>He wanted more of that feeling but he wasn’t sure how to go about it.</p><p>He figured he’d start by butting in on a call he could already see her taking personally. He wanted to be there for her and help if he could. She told him she thought he went out of his way for others and he wanted to be the man she believed him to be. </p><p>
  <em>For her. </em>
</p><p>He was still working out what that meant but he wasn’t denying it was true. She made him want to be the best version of himself he could possibly be.</p><p>She did the work to reach out to him and now it was his turn. He wanted the wall between them to come completely down. He didn’t know what he would find behind it when it did, but he was looking forward to finding out.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Sweet tea in the summer, cross your heart, won't tell no other, and though I can’t recall your face I still got love for you. Your braids like a pattern. Love you to the Moon and to Saturn. Passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“seven” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>From the minute Sylvie mentioned the possibility of meeting her birth mother he knew she would. He could hear the yearning in her tone, even if she couldn’t hear it herself. He also knew he wanted to be a part of that journey with her. He was glad she included him, without him having to ask, most of the time. </p><p>He was never going to forget that trip to Rockford or the childhood stories Sylvie shared with him. He had an image in his head now of seven year old Sylvie Brett, the wild farm girl with messy pigtails and a tilted tiara. He hadn’t seen very many farms in his lifetime, but he pictured her running through a field of tall grass with her arms spread wide, stopping to twirl every few feet — imagining herself a secret princess.</p><p>It was a charming vision that led to him growing fonder of her than he previously thought possible.</p><p>He treasured the memory of that trip with her, but he’d give it up right now if it meant she’d never met <em>and lost</em> Julie. If he could save her the pain she was feeling now by rewinding the clock and erasing that first letter from existence, he would. Yes, it would mean there would still be a wall between them, but he could find some other way to tear it down.</p><p>Another way that didn’t end with her receiving heartbreaking news while standing next to him in a hospital waiting room. She looked lost and broken and so far removed from the uninhibited daydream that had taken up residence in his mind.</p><p>He’d never wished that he could take on pain for another person as hard as he wished to take on hers.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“I'm still a believer, but I don't know why. I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try. I'm still on that trapeze. I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“mirrorball” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>“Dance with me?”</p><p>She nearly laughed out loud at Matt’s question. She was glad she caught herself because he looked earnestly serious as he waited for her answer.</p><p>“I thought you hate to dance?” She asked, grinning teasingly at him.</p><p>“I think I can make an exception in this one instance,” Matt replied as he held his hand out to her. “Come on, I know you want to.”</p><p>She smiled and took his hand to let him lead her out on the floor. He surprised her by lifting their hands as they reached the floor, he moved his pointer finger on his free hand in a circle and smirked warmly at her. “It’s an invitation to twirl, Sylvie. Take it.”</p><p>The laugh she’d reined in earlier broke free as she nodded. “Well, this dress <em>is</em> practically <em>made</em> for twirling.”</p><p>He nodded his agreement. “It’d be a shame to waste it.”</p><p>She beamed at him as she twirled under their loosely joined hands and then shook her head as she came to a stop in front of him. “That was ridiculously silly.”</p><p>He chuckled mutely and nodded. She felt his arms wind around her waist as he spoke, pulling her in to finish the dance. “It was, but that was the point. You deserve a chance to be a little silly.”</p><p>She rested her hands on his chest and then slid them upward to rest on the nape of his neck. Her fingers grazed the short hairs on the back of his head and she swore she felt him shudder slightly.</p><p>“What you said before the wedding,” he began, a concerned furrow overtaking his brow. “Was that true? Is everything really okay?” </p><p>She felt her smile dim for a second as she remembered where she’d been just before the wedding, but to her surprise the dip in her mood didn’t last long. She was here, now, with Matt and all the people she loved. If losing Julie taught her anything, it was never to let go of the people you cared about. You never knew when something might rip them away from you.</p><p>“Everything is good,” she assured him. “Particularly good right now, in fact.”</p><p>She allowed her fingers to knead the muscles at the base of Casey’s neck. She wouldn’t normally. They’d slowly gotten more touchy-feely but there was a line. It was a weird nearly invisible line, but still a line. But the furrow in his brow caused her to want to sooth him and since he seemed to enjoy her fingers in his hair, she assumed he wouldn’t mind.</p><p>She was right, he didn’t. His eyes closed briefly. She felt the tension in the muscles resting under her palms melt away at her concentrated attention.</p><p>When his eyes opened again, he asked, “Why’s that?”</p><p>“Because I’m here with you,” she answered with a soft smile. “And anytime I’m with you is a good time.”</p><p>The reward for her honesty was one of the brightest Matt Casey smiles she’d ever seen. It imprinted itself on her memory forever.</p><p>Years from now, she’d remember the dress, the song, the date, the feeling of his body heat seeping into her, and <em>that smile</em>.</p><p>She couldn’t see it as she lived it, but now she knows.</p><p>They didn’t just dance that night. They <em>jumped</em> — into and toward each other. They gave into gravity and let it begin to pull them together, as they always should have.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best, but the rain is always gonna come if you're standin' with me. But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm if your cascade, ocean wave blues come. All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret. The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me. Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“peace” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>It was only a matter of time before it all came to a head. Gravity can only pull you so close to an object before you crash into it.</p><p>Or until a four door sedan crashed into <em>you</em>.</p><p>She was inside an already crashed vehicle, straddling a victim to put a c-collar on her when a silver car blew through the median and directly into their accident scene.</p><p>“Sylvie!”</p><p>Matt shouted her name a second before the impact.</p><p>She instinctively covered her victim first and gripped the seat around her patient for dear life. To her right she saw the steering column buckle inward and she thanked whatever power-that-be that they cleared the driver first. </p><p>The vehicle skidded into traffic between Ambo and Truck. Horns honked and tires squealed and Sylvie cursed under her breath. If they got hit from any other angle then she and her passenger were done for. She closed her eyes and waited for a second impact…</p><p>But it never came.</p><p>The minute the car came to a stop, she heard Matt and Kelly shouting orders. Her eyes stayed closed.</p><p>A few seconds later, the familiar sound of Matt Casey’s breathing came into focus. He was close. Maybe right outside the passenger window, but she was too scared to look and find out.</p><p>“Brett.”</p><p>His voice was soft but full of urgency and clogged with something? Tears, maybe?</p><p>“Are you hurt?”</p><p>God, he had a beautiful voice, especially when all the concern he had the ability to feel was pointed at her.</p><p>“<em>Sylvie.”</em></p><p>Concern was suddenly replaced with fear. She <em>had</em> to snap out of it. <em>Talk</em> to him.</p><p>“I’m fine,” she answered in a soft, shaky voice. “I’m okay.”</p><p>She opened her eyes and met his; they’re shining and watery. She was right. His voice <em>was</em> clogged with tears. Once he verified she was okay he nodded. He wrenched the car door further open and waved someone over. Violet was swiftly in front of her waving a pinlight in her face.</p><p>“Stop, stop,” Sylvie ordered as she snapped back to reality. “I’m fine! Shaken up, that’s all. I need to get out of the way so we can get my patient out of here.”</p><p>Casey and Violet traded worried glances but Matt ultimately gave her a hand extricating herself from the vehicle.</p><p>“Where’s the driver of the other car?” She asked Violet.</p><p>Matt answered before her partner could. “Kidd’s got him. You should go to Med. Get checked out.”</p><p>Violet took that as her cue to leave. She headed back to the rig for the gurney.</p><p>“I can’t leave Violet on 61 alo—“</p><p>“I told you,” he ordered sternly. “Kidd’s got it. You’re going.”</p><p>“Casey, I am <em>fine</em>. I have a job to do—“</p><p>“You threaten to report me when I’m stubborn,” Casey stated as he placed a hand on the small of her back and began herding her toward Chief’s buggy. “You think I’m gonna do any less for you? Chief is giving <em>you</em> a ride to Med while we clean up and 61 busses the victims. Copy?”</p><p>“I really don’t think that’s—“</p><p>“<em>Sylvie</em>,” Matt said hoarsely, meeting her eyes with a pleading glance. “You were tossed around in an unstable vehicle with no seatbelt on, airbags already deployed, and glass flying everywhere. <em>Please</em> just say ‘copy’ and go get checked out at Med. I need to know you really <em>are</em> okay.” He paused and then repeated himself pointedly. “<em>Copy</em>?”</p><p>She bit back her sarcastic response. She could see Casey was genuinely anxious about her well being. And, well, deep down she knew he was right. Adrenaline could be clouding her judgement regarding her own injuries. </p><p>“Copy,” she replied with a deep sigh.</p><p>He blew out a relieved breath, nodded crisply, and then got back to work. As clear headed and professional as ever. No one who looked in from the outside would ever guess she’d seen tears in his eyes or heard a catch in his voice.</p><p>Once seated in Boden’s buggy she pulled down the visor mirror to look at herself. There was a bump forming on her forehead. She must have hit the car frame. She doesn’t remember that. There was also a cut along the left side of her jaw and little scrapes and lacerations littered her arms. She looked like she’d been beaten all to hell.</p><p>No wonder Matt and Violet were worried. Jesus.</p><p>Much like Matt, Boden spent the short ride to Med verifying that Sylvie felt fine. She assured him she did. Though, the more time that passed after the accident the more her muscles ached and groaned. It was difficult to judge while the car was spinning but she must have been tossed around harder than she thought. Everything was starting to hurt, but nothing felt sharp or abnormal. </p><p>Halstead checked her out. He took maybe a half hour to look her over before declaring her fine. While he was looking her over, the victims from the collision arrived. All three were in critical condition. Two from the initial collision and one from the secondary crash.</p><p>Will stepped out to see if they needed him and when he came back he shook his head and met her eyes with an impressed expression. “You’re absolutely fine, Sylvie. There’s not even any signs of a concussion. Which based on the state of the driver who hit you, is a miracle. The fact that you were turned around gripping the seat and the impact was on the opposite side of the car kept you out of the ICU, I think.”</p><p>The blood chilled in her veins at those words. What if she’d been clearing the driver and not the passenger when that impact happened? What if she hadn’t been completely inside the vehicle? What if she’d decided to reach in to the patient through the driver's side door instead? There were a million scenarios where today could have turned out to be her last and that spooked her. It chilled the blood in her veins and caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up.</p><p>A knock sounded at the open exam room doorway and they both looked over to find Matt, turn-out pants on and secured by red suspenders over his white Captain’s shirt. His coat was probably in the front seat of 81, waiting for him to get back to it.</p><p>“How’s she doing, doc?” He asked as he leaned against the doorway.</p><p>“Aside from some bumps, cuts, and bruises, she’s completely perfect. You guys got lucky today,” Will said as he tapped the chart against a nearby counter-top.</p><p>“Yes, we did,” Matt concurred, meeting Sylvie’s stare. </p><p>Will was saying goodbye but Sylvie barely heard him. In her alarmed state, no one seemed to exist but Matt. She managed to wave at Will as he walked away. She heard him say she was released to go back to work but he’d recommend going home to rest if possible.</p><p>“Oh, it’s possible,” Casey assured Halstead’s retreating back. “Kidd’s filling in on Ambo for the rest of shift.”</p><p>Matt grinned over at her once Will was gone like he expected her to fight him on it, but she was so caught up in her emotions and all the different ways she could have lost everything today that she missed her cue completely.</p><p>She watched as his brow furrowed and his expression grew concerned again. </p><p>“What? No insistence on getting back out there as soon as possible?” He asked, stepping further into the room to be closer to her.</p><p>“How the <em>hell </em>did I survive that?” She asked him suddenly.</p><p>His eyes took in her entire face before he answered, softly and firmly. “Because you were supposed to. Because you have more to do and you’re not done yet.”</p><p>Her eyes narrowed on him suspiciously. “How do you know that?”</p><p>He gave her a crooked but warm smile and delicately took both of her hands in his. “Because I know you, and you matter. To a lot of people. Including, and <em>especially</em>, me.”</p><p>She sucked in a sharp breath. His hands in hers felt different now. New and yet comfortable all at once. Like she was hearing a new version of a song she knew by heart. She didn’t completely understand it, but there it was.</p><p>“Sylvie,” He began, as he adjusted their hands so their fingers laced together. “We should talk.” He stopped to take a steadying breath and then chuckled. “Not here, not now, but <em>today</em>. Okay?”</p><p>All the words to reply to him seemed just out of reach. For lack of a better response, she nodded and parroted him. “Okay.”</p><p>Boden released her early but she opted to hang around 51 instead of going home. With the confusing thoughts that were swirling around in her brain, she wanted to be around people she loved. She needed to remind herself that while her job was full of risk, it had given her everything she loved. Her friends, her chosen family, most importantly, but also the privilege of serving people on their worst days. Her job was to keep people alive. Nothing could be more rewarding than that. Matt was right at the hospital today.</p><p>She mattered. </p><p>And she had a hell of a lot more good she wanted to do.</p><p>She went looking for Matt to tell him this and found him in his quarters, leaning against his desk with his arms crossed over his chest staring blankly ahead. She cleared her throat to alert him of her presence and watched him blink his way back to the present.</p><p>“Hey,” she greeted as his blue eyes landed on hers.</p><p>“Hey,” he answered, waving her in. He seemed distracted, maybe even anxious.</p><p>“Are you okay?” She asked, wincing as her brow furrowed and aggravated the bump on her forehead.</p><p>He nodded and closed the door behind her, effectively cutting them off from prying ears. His Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped nervously. “I’m fine. I’ve just been...thinking.”</p><p>“Thinking or <em>over</em>thinking?” She asked knowingly.</p><p>He snorted derisively -- more at himself than her, she thought. “A little of both.”</p><p>“About what?”</p><p>“You.”</p><p>She swallowed thickly. His open and honest gaze held hers for a prolonged beat. He was thinking about her? “I don’t, um...you were what?”</p><p>“I love you, Sylvie.” He declared it plainly. No flowery preamble or romantic build up. Just a straightforward statement of fact. Was that why she thought it was perfect? </p><p>Or was it just because it was <em>him</em>, Matt Casey, saying three words she worried she’d never hear from him?</p><p>“Matt,” she said, sounding breathless and exhilarated even to her own ears. “I--”</p><p>“Please, before you...if you were going to say it back, there’s something you need to know first,” Matt interrupted. Out of the blue, he looked tired. Frustrated. Afraid. “I’m a trouble magnet. I make life hard. I don’t intend to but...bad luck follows me around like it’s my shadow. If you’re standing next to me then you’re a part of that. There’s not been a whole lot of peace in my life. <em>Ever</em>. If you’re looking for that then I can’t give it to you.”</p><p>He stopped but he didn’t seem done, so Sylvie forced herself not to rebut every single thing he just said to her. This was him expressing himself. She planned to let him. He didn’t splay himself open often and it took a lot of courage for him to do that now -- even with her. She understood that.</p><p>“But, god, Sylvie, if you’ll let me, I could give you so many other things. I could love you like no one else.” He let out a relieved breath as if he’d been holding that in for <em>months</em>. He looked lighter just having spoken that thought out loud. The fear was still there, but the exhaustion wasn’t. The frustration lifted bit by bit as he continued. </p><p>“All I’ve ever wanted is someone to share my life with. Someone to need who might also need me. Someone to comfort and support. And you...you’re <em>so good</em>. You make me want to work my ass off to be as good as you are or as good as you <em>think</em> I am. That’s rare and beautiful and I’d like a chance to be a part of that with you.”</p><p>It’s strange. He hadn’t moved any closer to her but she felt his words as if he were whispering them in her ear. They reached into her soul and found that place she made for him over a year ago. She could feel them nesting inside of her, building a permanent home. Good god, she wanted to love this man. She wanted to love this man with every fiber of her being. If only he’d stop <em>talking</em>, she could.</p><p>“But I’m worried. I’m worried that I won’t…” His sentence trailed away as he swallowed back some lingering emotion and tried again. “I’m worried I won’t be enough.” He shrugged and let out a soft bitter scoff. It was a quiet sound, but she hated it. “I never have been before.”</p><p>Those last words caused a pang in her chest -- a crack. Was this what had been holding him back all this time? Was it what had been holding her back? Because when she let herself sit with his words, she realized she had the same fears. </p><p>Would she be enough?</p><p>Like him, she never had been before.</p><p>She wanted to cry for both of them. They almost let their pasts get in the way of something that had the potential to be great. If not for a four door sedan they may not have found themselves in this moment at all.</p><p>“I’ve never been enough either,” she confessed. “I’m not sure if I can be for you. But I know I’d give you the very best I have to give. <em>My life</em> hasn’t been peaceful, Matt. I never expect it to be. I just want someone who sees me. <em>All of me</em>. And when I’m with <em>you</em>, that’s how I feel. <em>Seen</em>. For that feeling...I’d do anything. We might spend every day fighting the world, it’s true. The important thing is that we do that <em>together</em>. If we never have any sort of peace then I’ll be fine. Agreeing to take on the world with me is already plenty.”</p><p>His stormy blue irises snapped to hers again. The fear transformed into hope and the corners of his mouth gently pulled upward. “What are you saying, exactly?”</p><p>“I’m saying...you can try and give me all the disclaimers you want but I love you too, Matt Casey, and that fact is never going to change. More than anything I want to be <em>enough</em> for you.”</p><p>He stepped into her space until they were standing toe-to-toe and chest-to-chest. His lips hovered over hers as he catalogued her expression. </p><p>“You’re here with me, aren’t you?” He asked her. At her nod he immediately replied, “Then you’re already enough.”</p><p>How did he do that? How did he always say the perfect thing and knock the wind out of her? Every word he’d said had stolen breath from her lungs and all the taped up pieces of her heart. Maybe he wasn’t perfect, but neither was she. Was it possible for two imperfect pieces to be perfect for each other?</p><p>She was beginning to think so.</p><p>“You better be planning to kiss me, Captain Casey.”</p><p>A glowing smile formed on his face before his laugh filled the air around them. “Is that an order, PIC Brett?”</p><p>“Does it need to be?” She asked, archly.</p><p>“Absolutely not,” he replied, looking a hundred times lighter than he did when this conversation began.</p><p>When he closed the space between them and his mouth finally slanted against hers, she couldn’t help but notice <em>how</em> they fit. Two imperfect pieces <em>can</em> make a perfect whole. She knows that now and she’ll never doubt it--or him--again.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“And they said, there goes the last great American dynasty. Who knows, if she never showed up, what could've been? There goes the most shameless woman this town has ever seen. She had a marvelous time ruining everything.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“the last great american dynasty” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>They were at dinner with Chief Boden and Donna. Sylvie wasn’t sure why. Matt said something about them finally getting around to rescheduling a dinner from over a year ago. It was The Palm so she certainly wasn’t going to complain. It was a little strange, though, having dinner with Boden as not just PIC Brett but also Matt’s girlfriend. </p><p>They’d been dating a couple of month’s now so the house was still getting used to the idea. There were some bumps, but they got through them. They were all being as supportive as they could and over time Sylvie had no doubt they’d win everyone over. Donna was already on board, which she was sure to tell her while Boden and Matt started talking about his boat and an upcoming fishing trip.</p><p>“I’ve been watching the two of you for the last couple of years,” Donna admitted as she patted Sylvie’s hand. “Cheering silently from the sidelines. You’re both wonderful people who deserve only good things.”</p><p>Sylvie smiled bashfully at her and nodded her thanks. “I’d definitely call him a good thing.”</p><p>Donna chuckled and smiled knowingly at her. “Uh huh, I bet so. He’s a looker, and those shoulders of his…well they look very sturdy.”</p><p>She should have known better than to take a sip of wine during this conversation. She started to laugh at Donna mid-swallow and nearly choked to death. Matt raised his brows at her while he patted her back.</p><p>“You okay over there, sweetheart?” He asked with an amused grin.</p><p>“Mhm, great,” she croaked as she tried to wipe her mouth as primly as possible.</p><p>Donna smirked at her as she inconspicuously took a sip from her own glass. She swallowed gracefully, unlike Sylvie, before she spoke. “We were just talking about how happy I am to see the two of you together. We’re all happy that you’re happy.”</p><p>“<em>That’s</em> what had her choking on her drink?” Boden asked his wife with a doubtful expression.</p><p>“If I say it is, then it is. You really wanna push it?” Donna asks him with a sharp smile.</p><p>“Absolutely not. I know my limits,” Boden replied with a chuckle. </p><p>“Good man,” Donna said, kissing his cheek.</p><p>Someone suddenly bumped Donna’s chair and she nearly spilled her wine. She corrected the glass before it could tilt and the person who bumped her immediately bent down to apologize.</p><p>“Oh, Jesus, I’m so sorry. I didn’t make you spill your drink, did I?”</p><p>“No, no,” Donna assured her. “It’s fine.”</p><p>There was a beat, and then:</p><p>“Wow, Matt! What a surprise!”</p><p>Until now, Sylvie hadn’t bothered to pay their intruder too much attention, but at that exclamation both she and Matt looked up. Sylvie felt every bit of color drain from her face. This could not be happening.</p><p>“Laura?” Matt asked, looking painfully uncomfortable. “Wow, it’s been a long time.”</p><p>Anotonio’s ex-wife, <em>of course</em>. </p><p>“It has!” She said brightly, a split second before her eyes landed on Sylvie.</p><p>Sylvie knew the moment Laura recognized her. Her eyes narrowed and darkened, the grip on her tiny clutch tightened.</p><p>“Oh, um, I know you,” she said curtly. “Celia, right?”</p><p>Sylvie smiled with a patience she barely felt and gently corrected her. “Sylvie, actually.”</p><p>“Yes, right. <em>The Blonde</em>.”</p><p>As if being a blonde automatically made her a <em>certain</em> <em>kind</em> of woman. Laura did this the last time they met too, and sadly she wasn’t the first to ever make that assumption. Sylvie always brushed it off. The people who made those assumptions didn’t know her and never would. But Matt hadn’t heard anyone talk about her like that before. She could sense he didn’t like it.</p><p>He tensed and draped his arm over the back of her chair, his hand idly tracing a line over the exposed skin on her upper arm. It was a protective move meant to communicate that Sylvie was with him and he wouldn’t tolerate anyone treating her poorly. He’d done it before when he went home with her for the Fourth of July. They’d run into Harrison in town and, while Matt had let her handle it, he’d made it clear he had her back. He was doing the same thing now.</p><p>“That’s me,” Sylvie said, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from rolling her eyes. “I guess.”</p><p>Laura pointed between Matt’s hand and Sylvie’s shoulder. “I’m picking up on something here. Are you two...together?” She asked.</p><p>Sylvie nodded and desperately wished Laura would leave. She’d asked one seemingly innocent question but Sylvie could <em>feel</em> the judgement in her stare. It was hard not to care what Laura thought while she was still hovering over their table.</p><p>“We are,” Sylvie answered.</p><p>“How cute,” Laura replied. Her passive aggressive tone was obvious to the entire table. “Well, I should get back to my date. It was great seeing you, Matt.”</p><p>“You too, Laura,” Matt said, his words dripping with dishonesty. He was lying and he didn’t care if Laura knew it. Why did she find that sexy? Because it was all on her behalf, maybe? Once she was gone, Matt leaned toward her. “Did I ever tell you how much I used to despise her?”</p><p>She laughed and turned toward him to kiss him quickly. “No, but thank you for telling me now.”</p><p>“Who was that?” Donna asked them curiously. </p><p>“Antonio’s ex-wife. Gabby’s brother,” Sylvie explained.</p><p>“Ah,” Donna said in understanding. Then she added sarcastically, “She seemed nice.”</p><p>The entire table laughed quietly at Donna’s dry observation, breaking the tension. The night moved on and Laura was all but forgotten. Once dinner was winding down, Sylvie excused herself to go to the restroom. She was finishing up in the stall when she overheard a familiar voice from the direction of the sinks. </p><p>Laura Dawson.</p><p>“I mean, can you believe her?” Laura asked. Sylvie could hear a faint response but couldn’t make out the words. She assumed Laura must be on the phone with someone. “She’s shameless! First she went after my Antonio and now she goes after Gabby’s Matt? Can the girl not find her own husband? Does she have to steal everyone else’s?”</p><p>There was more of the mumbled reply she’d heard earlier and then Laura found another opening to speak.</p><p>“Gabby and Matt were solid, too. I know they divorced but I always assumed they’d get back together. How many years do you think she was lying in wait, itching to get her bony hands on Matt?” She paused a beat and then. “There goes any chance of them getting back together now. I mean, would you get back together with a man who screwed your best friend? Exactly, it’s so sad. I bet she played some sort of role in their break up, orchestrated it somehow. I mean, I think about it sometimes and I wonder, who knows what would have happened with Matt and Gabby and me and Antonio if she’d never come to town? We all might be happy couples by now. She ruined everything.”</p><p>Sylvie huffed and rolled her eyes. Had she been younger, Laura’s words might have bothered her, but Laura was bitter and hurt. She had every right to be. Sylvie knew her and Antonio were messy. But she didn’t have a right to take that out on Sylvie. Sylvie knew what happened with both Antonio and Matt. Neither relationship began in an underhanded way. Were either of them still married, Sylvie wouldn’t have come near them. </p><p>Everyone truly important to her would know that. </p><p>She opened the bathroom stall and strode over to the sink with her head held high. Being shameless wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially when you hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of.</p><p>Laura, at least, had the sense to look embarrassed. “I’ll call you back,” she said quickly before hanging up her phone.</p><p>Sylvie decided to ignore everything she overheard and let Laura keep some of her pride. She washed her hands and then dried them before turning to face Laura with a friendly smile.</p><p>“It was great seeing you again, Laura. Have a great night!”</p><p>Laura looked stunned and blinked at her owlishly. “Uh, right, yes. You too.”</p><p>Sylvie smirked to herself as she walked out of the restroom. She knew she didn’t ruin anything for anyone, but if people wanted to think that then she couldn’t exactly stop them. She got back to the table to find Matt waiting on her with her coat draped over his arm. He helped her slip it on and then kissed her temple as he pulled away.</p><p>“Well, that was fun,” Donna said as they headed to the door in a group. “We should do it again.”</p><p>“It really was,” Sylvie agreed. “And we definitely should!”</p><p>She wasn’t lying. She really would like to do it again. Despite Laura’s interruption, she had a marvelous time ruining everything.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“A string that pulled me out of all the wrong arms, right into that dive bar. Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire, chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons. One single thread of gold tied me to you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-“invisible string” by Taylor Swift</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>“Do you ever think about how long we’ve known each other?” Sylvie asks him, while they unpack boxes in their newly renovated kitchen.</p><p>“Not typically, no,” he answers as he opens a box of mugs. “Jesus, woman, do you really need this many mugs?”</p><p>She laughs and nods. “With the amount of warm beverages I drink? Yes. I need as many as possible in a variety of shapes, colors, and designs.”</p><p>“If I’d known you had this many, I would have added more cabinets. We’re gonna run out,” he teases. </p><p>She rolls her eyes in fond exasperation. “You built <em>plenty</em> of cabinets, Matt. We have the room.”</p><p>“Yeah, <em>for now</em>, but are we still gonna have the room after you’ve been on this earth another 32 years? Seems unlikely.”</p><p>“Hey!” She scolds, playfully. “I’m not 32 <em>yet</em>. Can we not age me prematurely, please? I still have another week of being 31. Let me enjoy it.” She pauses and then purposefully refocuses their conversation. “But seriously, Matt, you don’t think about how long we’ve known each other? All the things we’ve seen together or the people we have in common?”</p><p>“We spent so much of our early relationship concerned with the people we had in common that I want to spend as little as possible of our <em>established</em> one worried about that,” he answers honestly. “Why?”</p><p>When she gets focused on something like this, there’s always a reason. There’s some thought that’s plaguing her or a worry she’s afraid to express. After nearly two years together, he knows the best way to move past it is to address it head on.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she replies while distractedly stacking plates on the countertop. “I’ve just been pondering it recently. If you think about it, our pasts kinda run parallel to each other at certain points. We have similar wounds, you and me, and it’s just curious to me that we ended up together after all of that.”</p><p>“You don’t think we should have?” He asks. He doesn’t know why that notion worries him, but Sylvie thinking they shouldn’t be together or that they’ve somehow defied the Universe by making it work bothers him.</p><p>“No,” she replies, setting the plates aside and making her way to him. “That’s just it, I think we <em>should</em> have ended up together. But I think God or Fate or whoever, had very specific timing in mind. Like they knew we’d be strongest if we had our pasts to tie us together or something.”</p><p>His smile warms and he wraps an arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer to him. “You can’t stand the idea of anyone going through pain without there being a reason for it, can you?”</p><p>“No, I can’t,” she says, frowning slightly. “Pain has to mean something. Otherwise, whoever’s in charge is just a bully.”</p><p>He laughs softly and drops a kiss to the top of her head. “I will admit that if I look back on it, each painful thing I went through taught me something and pulled me closer to what I actually needed. You’re right about that.”</p><p>“And what did you need?” She asks, turning so his arm falls from her shoulders and his hand lands on the small of her back. Her chest is pressed to his and he eagerly bands his arms around her back, suddenly craving to have more of her touching him.</p><p>“You, Sylvie,” he tells her, with a grin and an arched eyebrow. She should know this already.</p><p>“I like hearing you say that,” she says with a beaming smile. “Never get tired of it. I need you too -- for the record.”</p><p>“Filed and noted,” he quips as he leans them both back against the kitchen counter. </p><p>They fall into a comfortable silence. This conversation has gotten him started and now he’s thinking back too. From Hallie to Gabby to Naomi and every experience in between. It did feel as if something was deliberately tugging him along, pulling him away from someone at just the right time to move on to the next one. Bouncing him through lessons and pain until he was ready for <em>her</em>. For <em>Sylvie</em>. As if they were each tied to a shared thread that got shorter as time went on, until finally…</p><p>They met in the middle.</p><p>And since then he’d felt golden. Yes, they still had their struggles and streaks of bad luck, but as long as they faced them together it all seemed to bounce right off. He was right a couple years back, they’d never have peace but they could have comfort. And a lot of the time, comfort was better than peace. It made him appreciate the rare peaceful moments more than he would have if everything was easy.</p><p>Since finally plucking up the courage to tell her how he felt, life had taken on a different meaning. It had meaning before, but it wasn’t as full. This life -- their life -- was more than he ever imagined it to be.</p><p>“You know what we haven’t really talked about yet?” Matt asks her as he tightens his arms around her. </p><p>Her arms go around his middle and her head rests in the crook of his neck. She’s molded to him flawlessly, and he briefly wonders how he ever lived without knowing how it felt to hold her this way.</p><p>“What?” She asks, pressing a featherlight kiss to his neck.</p><p>“Well, we’ve got the house now, we’ve moved in together, but we haven’t talked about next steps.”</p><p>She stiffens and then arches away from him to meet his eyes. “Next steps? As in...marriage?”</p><p>Her face looks entirely too blank. He should be able to read her every reaction by now but this one's a mystery to him. “As in.”</p><p>Her lips spread into a slow smile and dark heat begins to cloud her crystal blue eyes. “You’ve been thinking about that?”</p><p>He releases a breath he was subconsciously holding and grins shyly. “I have. <em>A lot</em>, actually. But what do <em>you</em> think?”</p><p>“I think I’m ready for whatever <em>you</em> want, Matt,” she says as she snuggles back into him. “I’m in this no matter what. Whether you propose tomorrow or two years from now, I’ll still be here. With you in <em>our</em> house. Would I enjoy the title of wife? <em>Hell</em>, yes. But do I want to go all Veruca Salt and pressure you to give it to me <em>right</em> now? Of course not.” </p><p>Her hands travel up over his shoulders and then into the hair at the nape of his neck. She knows he loves that best of all. She kisses a trail along his jaw and then presses her lips to the corner of his mouth. Her lips hang over his as she smiles. It’s a smile that he’s come to realize she saves just for him and, as such, it’s his favorite of all her smiles. </p><p>And she has <em>many</em> smiles.</p><p>“But if you do decide to propose sooner rather than later, Stella knows exactly what kind of ring I want and my size. We’ve talked about it many times,” she tells him with a grin.</p><p>He chuckles against her mouth as she kisses him, her smile pressed against his. “Good to know.”</p><p>“Now shut up and kiss me,” she orders. “We need to christen our kitchen and after that pseudo-proposal, I say we christen it now. <em>Right</em> now.”</p>
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